So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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