Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
