The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
lets start a swedish sibling band together
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
