Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize