dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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