When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
