Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
