I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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