I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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