so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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