new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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