I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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