Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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