I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize