No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
this boner is exhausting
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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