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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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