I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
