i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
