loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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