and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
