OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
