is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize