Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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