At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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