fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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