I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My feet surprised me
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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