The maid of honor just puked.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
