her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
