so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
