The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
