I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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