she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
