i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize