Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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