Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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