just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
