Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
