why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
