I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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