final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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