"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Dear god my vagina.
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