The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
All I want is dick and wine.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
