I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
smell my finger.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
pop tarts are not kleenex
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
