please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize