haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you would pick up someone in the library
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
