i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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