Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
