I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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