Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
