that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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