Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
