How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
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