Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
