if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
