you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
