i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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