Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
