Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I can't turn off my feet"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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