he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
