why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
