I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
